Taking a step back

I've recently got into a fight with a very close friend of mine. What was this issue about? Communication. Isn't this the main source of every fight when you think of it? usually thinks aren't meant the way they are said or one person is thinking of something they are annoyed with but don't say anything and expect the other person to know why they are upset. So what i learned? to speak up! for most people who know me they will be shocked to hear me say this since i am not a shy person. But when it comes to my feelings getting hurt, i brush it off or joke about it to pretend i don't care. This is the source of my problems. I don't like asking for help, in fact i very rarely ask for help. I'd rather do everything by myself. Then when i find i'm in too deep i feel like no one is there to help me. For me asking for help is a weakness. I always believe that i don't need any ones help and that the only person i can rely on is myself. Of course this is true when you don't let anyone in. So my new vow to myself  is to make the effort. When things go bad, call someone, talk about it. Don't sit there for days upon end and sink into a depression hidden from the world. This has certainly never helped me in the best and only made me sink to my lowest. So instead of bitching about how hard it is to maintain friendships, i am going to evaluate the friends i do have, the people in my life and start building up the relationships i know are worth it and with the people i love. Why am i wasting time on people who don't care and slacking on the people who do? I'm starting to realize why adults have very few close friends. It's because those are the only ones worth having around. I love having a bunch of people around don't get me wrong, but if your not going to work on the relationship with me, then don't expect me to do it either. :)

you live and you learn.