Taking a step back

I've recently got into a fight with a very close friend of mine. What was this issue about? Communication. Isn't this the main source of every fight when you think of it? usually thinks aren't meant the way they are said or one person is thinking of something they are annoyed with but don't say anything and expect the other person to know why they are upset. So what i learned? to speak up! for most people who know me they will be shocked to hear me say this since i am not a shy person. But when it comes to my feelings getting hurt, i brush it off or joke about it to pretend i don't care. This is the source of my problems. I don't like asking for help, in fact i very rarely ask for help. I'd rather do everything by myself. Then when i find i'm in too deep i feel like no one is there to help me. For me asking for help is a weakness. I always believe that i don't need any ones help and that the only person i can rely on is myself. Of course this is true when you don't let anyone in. So my new vow to myself  is to make the effort. When things go bad, call someone, talk about it. Don't sit there for days upon end and sink into a depression hidden from the world. This has certainly never helped me in the best and only made me sink to my lowest. So instead of bitching about how hard it is to maintain friendships, i am going to evaluate the friends i do have, the people in my life and start building up the relationships i know are worth it and with the people i love. Why am i wasting time on people who don't care and slacking on the people who do? I'm starting to realize why adults have very few close friends. It's because those are the only ones worth having around. I love having a bunch of people around don't get me wrong, but if your not going to work on the relationship with me, then don't expect me to do it either. :)

you live and you learn.

Saddest Movie Ever Pinpointed by Science

Saddest Movie Ever Pinpointed by Science

Being Gay.... What is the big deal?

So i was watching MTV's show True life "I want to be straight". It had a woman who was a lesbian and a guy who was gay. They were talking about how they wanted to change their lifestyles to be straight because their families refused to accept them for who they were. I was horrified watching these poor individuals and what they were facing. They were going against everything that feels normal to them, because their families couldn't open up their minds and accept that they are not straight. So in order to stay connected and not loose their parents, they both made the decision to become straight. They started dating the opposite sex and not doing what they truly wanted. At one point, the woman shared a story about how her mother stabbed her for being gay when she was 23. She caught her having relations with another woman and she couldn't handle it.

The man shared how his family shunned him for going against his religion, Christianity. They performed prayers and prayed to God that he could keep up with his goal of being straight. He was stating how he was afraid that if he came out about his past to guys, like his roommates, that they might think he was checking them out and trying to hit on them. He was trying to say that just because he is gay it doesn't mean he checks everyone out. This is a common misconception.

I felt so sorry for both of them. The horrible things their parents would say. Eventually they are going to have to live up to what they really believe and finally live their lives. I can't believe people can still be so against this lifestyle. It's a decision it's a lifestyle just like anyone else. What also gets me is that people think this is a new thing. Well guess what it's not! People have always been gay, its just that now more and more people are opening up about it and are deciding not to hide anymore. People in the old days had to hide their feelings and never got to live their lives how they felt. This is terrifying to me. The way some people have to live. It's very sad. I hope there can be more awareness about this topic, which is why i write this. Maybe people can learn to understand that not everyone is the same and that being gay or straight does not matter. Its out there and its not going away. So just let people live their lives!

Still coping with friendships...

I am still daily frustrated with working on friendships. I am still becoming disappointed with peoples actions and words and i wish i could just scream out " be a good friend".  Maybe i am being punished for not being a good friend myself when  was younger? I feel like i left behind some of the best friends of my life.I moved, no one had licenses yet. Then when i did, it only rarely happened in the beginning and then it eventually stopped. I wasn't invited to going away trips and it was far to drive down by myself at 16 and back at night. I guess out of sight, out of mind is a good quote for this one!

Again i am going to have to work on this one for a while!

cross this of my "life accomplishments"

IM PUBLISHED!!!!!!! this is a major accomplishment for me! i have wanted this for 15 years! i started writing in 5th grade and i wrote down on a paper that i still have today that i wanted to be published and here it is !!!! FINALLY i'm there!!!!

SCATV wins National award for the sixth time

On July 13, 2011, in Latest News, by The News Staff

The Pirates of Pancake Island animation team in action: (L to R) Jeanne Flanagan, Bill Trudell, Melitta King, and Shannon Daly.

By Michelle Cooper

Since 2005 Somerville Community Access Television  has won the National Alliance for community media award six times. This year it was for best animation film by non-professionals. Never mind all the other awards they have received for being a great community access television center. The winner this year wasPirates of Pancake Island by Jeanne Flanagan, Bill Trudell, Melitta King, and Shannon Daly.

When asked what brought this idea together, Melitta King said, “We talked about ideas each of us had, what we wanted out of the class and looked at the materials that Jessica Barnthouse (who was teaching the class) had for us to work with.  Then it turned out that Jeanne had brought the legos with her to the first class and Bill Trudell had the packet of plastic spiders in his pocket.

“From there we easily decided we could do a pirate story and somehow tie in the spiders. Each of us added something to the project. I wrote up the ideas we had into a script and added that with two lego sharks we should have one swim by – while another shark would sneak up and eat the first pirate who dies. Jeanne went to the Olympics for crew – so she made sure the rowing in the piece looked real.

“Jeanne also made the piece of fabric that we used for the water. Bill came up with the idea of pancakes for the island and he created the music for the piece. Shannon was a Masters student at Emerson at the time. She has great organization and excellent editing skills.”

How long did it take to put together? “The animating took most of the class.” Said King. “We finished editing the piece after the class ended. The best part was that each of the four of us was really an important part of the process. The piece wouldn’t be as good as it is without all of our efforts.”

This creative work is done with a few legos and a stack of pancakes. The video has some great humor in it and it is not what you expect, which makes it fun to watch. Two lego men pirates set sail to look for buried treasure. Do they find it? You will have to watch to find out. You can find the link on SCAT’s website www.access-scat.org.

Since I was so enthralled with this piece, I decided to go to the source and take a tour of SCATV to see what this place was all about. Wendy Blom, who is the Executive Director, was nice enough to show me around and tell me about the place. She showed me each room they have including the control room, and the community conference room. This conference room is available for any member of Somerville to use as long as it is available. They have also have Internet access and plenty of resources to use to create films. SCATV has been around since 1983. They are the oldest access television center in Massachusetts. They have so many great resources there. If you have an interest in creating films or art, this is the place to go.

New Job New Start

So today was very uplifting! I got a job offer! After being unemployed for two months, i am ready for a new start! Being home all day and not working has been pretty demoralizing. It's hard to be able to feel good when you can't go out and do things with friends and family and you can't pay bills or get a new phone when you need it!!

Finally, i feel like i have my life back, school, work, good hours and time to spend with john! :) I can't wait to get back into the swing of things and move on!!! Plus i need plenty of money to save up for Both of my cousins weddings next year!!!!! :) Its gonna be a busy year!!!!!!!!

Let down....

Getting let down is an all to familiar feeling for me. People are never what they say and no one commits. I'm learning more and more as i get older that saying "Blood is thicker than water" is so important because its true that family is way more likely to stay around then friends. I have always wanted to have a good group of friends and have everything be they way it was when i was younger, a big group of friends, everyone hangs out and does everything together. Now that im older i don't have that. Everyone has their own lives and their own stuff going on and its a lot harder for everyone to make time for each other. It just sucks because i feel like i put a lot of effort into building relationships with friends and making time for people and i don't feel like i get the same in return. I feel like i have no one to rely on and the few true friends i have i can count on one hand.

This whole issue is making me realize where i should be putting my time and effort and maybe i shouldn't be wasting energy on things and people who don'r really care. As far as i'm concerned people who care about you are there when they say there gonna be and if your not, i'm done doing it for you.

Weekend in CT...Falling in love all over again!

So every year John and his family go to Colebrook Connecticut for the fourth of July. This was my second year and it was much better than the first. It's nicer to know what your getting into when you go away and its hard when you don't really know everyone that well. This year was a blast. I feel like i know everyone better and i knew what to expect and it was easier to have let loose and have fun. But what made the trip even better than ever was that i honestly fell in love all over again this weekend. Just watching John working and hanging out with the guys, i just couldn't take my eye off of him! Then there was a band playing one night and he asked me to dance with him, which is normally totally out of character, but we did and it was just so nice. (yes there was some drinks involved but i'll take it!)

He is just so good to me and i couldn't ask for anymore. After what i have been through in the past 2 years and the horrible past of relationships, this weekend just really opened my eyes to what i thought i had before and to what i really have now. It's amazing to me that love can really be there and strong and that its always a work in progress and that you don't just have to love the good stuff but that bad stuff too. There should always be compromises and just because not everything goes your way or you become annoyed, its no reason to run and be scared. Sticking around for every moment is what matters. I'm glad to see myself mature and less stubborn.

You know how everyone asks " how do you know its love?" Well i'd say that you know its love when you want to do anything for that person no matter what it takes and you just want to please them because you love it when they are happy. To put a smile on their face because you love to see it. To do things you wouldn't do for just anyone else. Then they do the same just for you! That's how i know i'm in love!