Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Little Death

The Little Death

The length of a gasp
On a late summer evening
The angels went first
And their faces stained white
I think that it's too late
To admit to you that I'm hurting
With my dying heart
And my memories stained white
If they lose me, know that I'll be yours,
And nestled in his arms, death with cradle us
Because if they lose me,
It's only so I stay yours
And nestled in his arms, death with cradle us
The rain runs down my temples
The lightning is singing your descent
Huddled up against my life
Your laugh resounds and then flees
I think that it's too late
To admit to you that I'm hurting
My heart is not like it was before
Because it softly falls asleep

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I found a new term to describe my sadness, which i believe is going to help me through the heeling process


"The term "la petite mort" or "the small death" It can be used when some undesired thing has happened to a person and has affected them so much that "a part of them dies inside".

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Memoir



Memoir
           
            I get a call around 10:00am. The call I have been waiting for, my nephew is about to be born. I am so excited I jump off my bed and start to get dressed. Anything for the occasion is fine; I just want to get there. When I arrive at the hospital I find out I get to be in the room for the birth! This is something I never thought I would get to do until I actually had children myself. I’m a little nervous. My brother is there freaking out and by the look on his face I can tell he is glad I am here. Jenna’s look is full of pain. I drop my purse on the floor and ask what I can do. Jenna just wants me to rub her back and push as hard as I can while my brother just watches with panic. I have to give them both prep speeches about how everything will be okay. Jenna turns around to look at me and asks how she is going to do this? I have to remind her that women’s bodies are made for this and that everything will be just fine, God is watching, Carol is watching and Ricky is watching.
            Unfortunately, my family has just lost those two very important people just weeks before this birth. My uncle lost his battle with a brain tumor, and my aunt had a tragic fall down iron spiral stairs one rainy night. This baby is the only good thing we have to look forward to. Everyone around us just keeps telling us how the baby is going to make everything better!
At 1:27pm the beautiful Sean Patrick Cooper was born. Ten fingers ten toes, everything intact. He couldn’t be more beautiful. My mother and I start taking pictures; we already can’t get enough of him. My brother gets to hold him first, then Jenna and then my mom. Finally it’s my turn! I adore him. I hand over my camera to my mom so she can take a picture of us. As soon as the flash goes off, several nurses and the doctor enter the room. I snuggle Sean closer to me and try to guess why so many people just came in the room. I look over to Jenna and she seems fine. Suddenly a nurse comes over to me and starts to take away Sean “you need to hear this to honey, let me see him.” I don’t know what this nurse is talking about, what could I possibly need to hear? I’m not the new mom here. The doctor sits down on the bed with Jenna and begins. It seems as though the doctors have found some signs of Down syndrome. His toes are too far apart, his neck is thicker than normal babies and his pallet in his mouth is too high.
            I don’t know what they are talking about he looked fine to me. They must be lying, this can’t be happening. He is perfect. My head falls between my hands as well as my brothers. Then I hear Jenna screaming “NO! Not my baby! Not after everything NO!” I can’t bear to hear her screams. After everything my family has been through how can God let this happen?

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

STOP KONY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc&feature=share

WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING! PLEASE WATCH!!!