Fate has it

So, Sean has been officially diagnosed. and ya know what, i don't feel different at all because i love him and he is gonna be just fine. He is amazing little man and he is going to be a very smart one at that. Between my brother and Jenna they know pretty much any history question you can imagine. Sean is very lucky to have two very smart caring, loving parents!!!!

My first nephew!!! I love him so much! I can't wait to spoil him!!!!!!! :)

Poem: “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome To Holland”.

“Holland?!?” you say, “What do you mean “Holland”??? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned”.

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland.

Is there a God? Because i'm losing faith

Sean Patrick Cooper was born today! I couldn't be more excited!!! I got to be there for the labor and i honestly can say it was a miracle to watch. I never had a fascination to be in the room before until now. yes it's gross but it's also a very beautiful thing.

He was born at 1:37pm. The most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life. A full head of hair, gorgeous. The nurses and doctors said he was healthy and perfect. My mom and i took thousands of pictures and i posted immediately on Facebook!

Then about an hour and 1 and half later, the first time i get to hold the baby and take a picture, the nurse comes over and takes him away from me. The room suddenly fills with nurses and doctors and then i knew something was wrong. They continue to tell us that Sean has some signs of down syndrome. They explain about a space between his toes, his neck is a little thicker than normal and his pallet in his mouth is high.
I didn't see it and neither did my family. Nothing can be sure until they take a blood test. Since its memorial day weekend, we have to wait until Tuesday to find out.

Please god, PLEASE just let everything be okay. After everything my brother and Jenna have been through please just let everything be okay.

Unbelievable pain

I got woken up this morning at around 5:45am, It was my dad. I didn't want to answer it. I knew something was wrong. My dad is not awake at this time, EVER. So with total disregard to what i am feeling, i answer the phone. He tells me "i'm sorry Michelle, there has been an accident." I immediately expect something happened to my grandmother, Noni. She is 80 years old. I started screaming "Oh my god, oh my god, What ? What happened?" He says the unthinkable,"it's carol. I'm so sorry to tell you this but, she just passed away..."
All i could do was scream, out of control screams, john immediately woke up and all i could do was hold on to his tee-shirt pulling at it and screaming, i couldn't sit straight, i could imagine what i had just heard, i dropped my phone on the bed and could hear my dad yelling my name, i could not function. All i could do was scream. Carol? she can not be, how, why, what are you talking about, No she is not gone, she can't be. Your wrong. there is no way. I literally crawled out of bed as i could feel the vomit coming up. I crawled to the bathroom opened the toilet seat and let loose. John picked up my phone and spoke with my father. Then he came into the bathroom with me. He asked a question that i will never forget "i'm so sorry michelle, Noni huh?" The tears came rushing. "No carol." He was just as shocked as i was.

 Carol was not sick, she did not have cancer, she was fine. We are taking her to the Red Sox game on monday for her birthday. She said she hasn't been to a game in years. I couldn't wait to take her. I can't believe this is happening. Why is my world falling apart..........

Chelsea Handler!

So after having to go to uncle Rick's services on Sunday and Monday, tonight is a night off from life, Me, john, maeg,josh,jill and will are all going to see Chelsea Handler. We need a little laughter for once. Some time off from life. We had a great time and everyone was really funny!!!!

I needed this, we needed this. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine!!!! :)